


This Kind of Thing

by forgetme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, Fake Science, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mpreg, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-12
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 15:23:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7177226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forgetme/pseuds/forgetme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This kind of thing, Kakashi thought, was exactly why he had been so reluctant to become Hokage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

This kind of thing, Kakashi thought, was exactly why he had been so reluctant to become Hokage. Shikamaru would have said it was troublesome, to him it was simply too much. All that travelling back and forth between Kirigakure, Iwagakure and Konoha, all the awkward conversations and negotiations, not to mention the money he’d had to invest just so their own medical labs could do research and a trial run with rats or mice or monkeys or whatever they had used. Kakashi sighed, staring blankly at the pile of documents his honorable predecessor had dumped on his desk before him. So many pages and, he realized, narrowing his eyes at the topmost sheet of paper, the print was tiny.

“If I was still in office, I would allow it,” Tsunade said. She crossed her arms in front of her chest as though she expected him to argue. “We haven’t seen any risks that wouldn’t be present in any other form of childbirth.  In fact, all babies conceived and carried to term this way have been perfectly healthy and so were the parents. You’ve seen them.”

“I have.” Kakashi wondered briefly if there was a dark tone in his voice or whether his body language betrayed his unease.  Only too well did he remember visiting those hospital rooms. It shouldn’t have been disturbing to see a young father holding his newborn baby, but it did feel unnatural when he was the one lying in the hospital bed, a fresh scar on his belly from his cesarean. Kakashi had met such men. He’d also met men whose bellies were swollen, their children having yet to be born. Of course, there had been women too.

Tsunade-sama had stressed this point, namely that the new miracle chakra pill wasn’t just for same sex couples. There were also those who couldn’t conceive normally because the woman was infertile and those who didn’t want to conceive normally because the woman in the relationship happened to be the breadwinner in the family. Though Kakashi couldn’t fathom how any man could possibly agree to this, no matter how powerful a kunoichi his wife was.

“It’s no wonder Terumi Mei was the first kage to support this research,” Tsunade said now, archly. “Her medics may be inferior to ours, but she is a woman. And I’m not surprised Iwa followed suit since old Oonoki is on his way out and everyone knows his granddaughter is going to take up the mantle. Gaara has already agreed to do a few test runs with volunteers – I’m sure his sister had a say in that decision, but either way, Gaara doesn’t really have a horse in this race. That boy’s not interested in gender politics; he’s probably not even aware of their existence. Which leaves you and the Raikage. The macho fraction.”

Instantly offended, Kakashi wrinkled his nose. “I wouldn’t call myself that. And I will give you your trial run. I think we both agree that the potential benefits for the village outweigh the risks.”

“Good.” Tsunade nodded. She seemed momentarily satisfied and all Kakashi could think was that maybe this really was a good thing. Even if it made him slightly uncomfortable. The village needed children, after all.

* * *

 

If a man took the chakra pill, his chakra system would be altered to the point where it could form something like an egg, which, if fertilized with another person’s sperm, would be able to develop like any normal fertilized egg. It would divide and become an embryo. The altered chakra system would provide the growing baby with nourishment.

“How does the sperm get to this ʻeggʼ thing? Assuming two men have anal sex…” Kakashi blushed. He really hadn’t been comfortable talking about this, but as Hokage he’d felt he needed to know all the facts about this thing before he could make a decision.

Tsunade-sama, however, had shown rare patience while explaining the details to him.

Chakra, as they’d all learned at the academy, Tsunade had told him, flowed through the body like blood, but this transformation could only take place near the gate of wonder, the center of a person’s sexual energy.  Therefore, sperm had to enter the body near the gate of wonder in order to be absorbed into the chakra stream.

“Which means that anal sex will do the trick,” she’d told him. “It would also work if the man used transformation and changed into a woman. Or if a woman transforms into a man. Her modified chakra will make it possible for her to produce actual semen. It’s fascinating, really.”

* * *

 

All conversations and explanations aside, Kakashi had made his decision. Tsunade, Shizune, Sakura and Ino could go through with the first administration of the new drug. They already had a sizable group of people desperate to find a way to conceive. These eager volunteers would have to pass a health check, then Kakashi, in his role as Hokage, would have to approve them, and only then they could receive the drug and take it under strict supervision.

Truth be told, Kakashi would have preferred if Tsunade had decided to deal with whole thing herself and kept him out of it. But these were the rules, he was Hokage and this new thing was considered to be so powerful that he had to be involved in some of the decision process, even if it might just be for appearance sake.

“You need to keep track of what’s going on in your village,” Tsunade had said. “Look at it this way. It’s not much different from putting together the new genin squads each year. Families are like teams, or so I’ve been told.”

* * *

 

So Kakashi ended up interviewing hopeful volunteers in his office between council meetings.  He had to look into their faces, all aglow with unbridled hope under a sweaty sheen of nervousness and ask them questions designed to gauge their suitability as parents.

Truth be told, Kakashi would have been the first to admit that on the whole parenting level, he was completely unqualified for the task, but he did have good instincts and he could read people.

Still, it was a little awkward. Kakashi didn’t really want to know about peoples’ sex lives, especially if he’d known them for years.

One such person was Aburame Nanako, a thirty-five year old tokubetsu jōnin he’d often worked with during his time in Anbu. When his two o’clock appointment with another couple of volunteers turned out to be Nanako and her girlfriend, a dark-skinned jōnin from Kumogakuro with some of the most piercing black eyes Kakashi had ever seen, he was surprised, to say the least. They weren’t friends, Nanako and he; in fact, they hadn’t interacted outside of missions, unless you counted the occasional curt nod whenever they ran into each other in the village.  

They told him that they’d met during the war, that Yukikaze, who was three years younger than Nanako, had saved the latter's life in battle. Kakashi nodded, making a mental note of the timeline. This meant that they had only known each other for a year. On the battlefield, Kakashi knew Nanako to be an excellent strategist who kept a cool head no matter what. She would never rush things or take unnecessary risks. He asked her about this when they were alone – during every interview Kakashi spared a few minutes to speak to the couple separately – and she flat out told him that it was love.

“Not at first sight,” she said, leaning back in her chair and dipping her head so that the lower half of her face was swallowed by the high collar of her dark coat. A single green centipede crawled up her pale neck and vanished somewhere in the brown curls falling to her shoulders. “I thought she was arrogant and rude, but then I got to know her better and… you know. It just works.”

Kakashi didn’t really know, but he also didn’t feel up to prying. He asked about the possibility of adoption because he always did – it was one of his major concerns that the drug would impact adoption rates in a negative way, though the problem of war orphans was somewhat alleviated by the peace treaties that had been set up between the villages.

Either way, Nanako and Yukikaze told him that they’d given the option serious thought, but with adoptions it was preferred that children stayed with their respective clans, if there were any grandparents, uncles, aunts, older siblings or even distant cousins in the picture, the child would be adopted by them.

Also, Nanako told him earnestly, as an Aburame, she wanted her child to inherit her insects. With her poisonous centipedes this would work best if her baby had her genetic material. In her womb it could develop an early immunity.  During this explanation, Yukikaze nodded gravely, if her skin was crawling at the prospect of holding an infant infested with poisonous bugs, she sure didn’t show it.

Kakashi approved them. So far, he hadn’t rejected a single couple. They’d all seemed sincere to him, honest and dedicated to the idea of raising a child together. He wondered if maybe Tsunade was already preselecting the candidates during her health screening. If so, he was grateful to her. He trusted her instincts.

To his surprise, there was another appointment penciled into his calendar before his next meeting with his advisors regarding trade routes. _Might Guy 2:30-3:00_ , written in Shizune’s neat hand. Kakashi raised an eyebrow. His friend rarely requested official appointments with the Hokage. In fact, Kakashi couldn’t remember even one time this had happened. If Guy wanted something from him, he usually caught him at home or during his lunch break. It was hard to imagine Guy sitting in his wheelchair out there in front of his office, waiting patiently for the time of his appointment to come.

At exactly two thirty, there was a knock on his door and when Kakashi said “Yes”, Guy rolled in wearing his jōnin outfit, the green spandex suit with the hitai ate-belt, the new armor plated vest and a surprisingly shaky grin.

“Hokage-sama!” he exclaimed before Kakashi had time to utter even the briefest of greetings “Thank you for granting me your precious time for this interview!”

“Interview?” Kakashi cocked his head, completely confused. “Are you applying for a job?” It wouldn’t be that much of a surprise as Guy had been trying out several positions at the Hokage office and so far had always felt underused. He kept saying he wanted more action, though they both knew that wasn’t really possible.

“No,” Guy said, his brow furrowing in confusion, “I’m here for the approval interview, Rival! Have you forgotten? The drug trial? I have my medical records right here!” With a flourish Guy pulled a single brown manila envelope from a small satchel strapped to the left armrest of his wheelchair and handed it over. Stunned, Kakashi took it and placed it on the desk in front of him.

“The medical trial,” he repeated dumbly. “ _The_ medical trial?” _It couldn’t be, could it?_

“For the pill that makes you able to have babies! I want to take part!” Guy pointed at the envelope. “I've already had my check up, which I passed with flying colors, of course! This body of mine may be a little worse for wear, but it’s not ready for the scrap heap yet! I can still do things for the village! I can provide nourishment for new life!”

Kakashi felt as though it had started raining fluffy purple crabs and he was outside without an umbrella. “Guy…” he didn’t even know where to start with this.

“I’m sterile, you know? Because of the immense heat of the eighth gate my little swimmers were all boiled alive! I can’t have children the normal way!”

“I… had no idea.”

“It’s all in there.” Still manically cheerful, Guy pointed at the envelope again.

Feeling faint, Kakashi opened it and pulled out the small stack of paper.  He hadn’t known about Guy’s infertility and it came somewhat as a shock. Back when the war had just ended, it had looked like Guy might never wake up from his coma and then, when he did, there’d been worry about possible brain damage and when that turned out okay, paralysis. It was something of a miracle that now, a year later, Guy had recovered as much as he did. Sure, the damage to his right leg was permanent, so were the scars – though you only noticed them if you knew where to look – but he was alive, could move around and manage his daily life independently.  That was more than anyone had dared to hope for during those awful first few weeks.

Kakashi was leafing through the documents without really reading them.

“I would like to have children,” Guy said, just as Kakashi glimpsed the words _sterile, possibly heightened risk of miscarriage due to slightly damaged chakra pathways._ He turned the page over. His stomach was in knots.

“Do you realize what that would entail?” Guy hadn’t been born into a clan; he had no living relatives – adoption would be difficult. But he had his students and Kakashi knew he loved them as though they were his own children. He narrowed his eyes. A painful suspicion was forming at the back of his mind, something he didn’t like to think about. Was this about Neji?

“Yes!” Guy nodded eagerly.

“Are you… gay?” Quickly Kakashi corrected himself – maybe he didn’t want to hear the answer to this question, maybe he regretted asking. It probably wasn’t so simple anyway. “I mean, usually people come to me with their partner, you know, the other future parent?”

“Hah, Rival, I knew you would say that! But I haven’t decided upon this person yet!”

“You haven’t decided?” Kakashi deflated with relief, maybe this was just temporary insanity and Guy would forget about the whole thing before the week was over. Although Guy wasn’t the type to give up on anything, once he’d set his mind to it. “Well, I can’t make this decision unless I meet both parties, so…”

“I understand!” Guy rubbed his chin in thought, then, apparently having come to some kind of conclusion, he nodded again. “Thank you for your honesty! As soon as I have found that special someone, I will come back and ask for your judgment, Hokage-sama!”

“Okay. Good. You do that.” Kakashi waited exactly until the door had fallen shut behind Guy before he collapsed face down on his desk and let out a long pained groan.

 


	2. Chapter 2

“You could have warned me,” Kakashi said to Tsunade when he met her at her office at the hospital early the next morning. “About Guy.”

“You mean you didn’t know?” She looked honestly surprised, wiping at her brow with the bend of her wrist. Strands of blond hair were falling into her eyes as she squinted at the documents on the desk in front of her. “I thought everyone did. It’s not like he’s kept it secret.”

“You can start with these; they have my stamp of approval.” He handed her the files. After she had flicked through them, she shot him a quizzical glance.

“Not Guy?”

“I want to meet his partner before I make that decision.” And if he had any luck at all, Kakashi thought, this would never happen.

“Ah.”

“Actually, I’m surprised you passed him on to me… He’s alone and his file said something about damaged chakra pathways and an elevated risk of miscarriage?”

“Yes, but he’s Guy. He ticks all the boxes. He’s a jōnin, he’s fought honorably in two wars, he’s a hero of Konohagakure and he suffered grave injuries rendering him unable to conceive children. If we’re developing this kind of medicine for anyone, it’s for people like him. Also, he may not be the brightest bulb in the tree, but we both know he’ll be a good parent, no matter who he chooses as his partner.” Her fingers were idly pushing around a piece of paper on the smooth surface of her desk, sliding it a little to the left, then to the right. “As for the other thing… we could use the data. We can’t know for sure how his type of injury will affect this kind of pregnancy.”

Kakashi stiffened. “Guy is not lab rat.” The harshness of his tone surprised even himself. But not Tsunade, it seemed.

“I’ve talked to him,” she said calmly. “This is what he wants. If you want to stop it, you can, _Hokage-sama_.” The way she said the title, with that slight lilt of sarcasm, she might as well have called him brat.

* * *

 

Kakashi had slept badly the previous night. After a long day at the office, where he’d been distracted and in a bad mood for the rest of the day, he’d taken Guy’s file home with him. He’d sat down with a cup of green tea and read the entire thing. It had been shocking to be confronted with the whole extent of Guy’s injuries and how they impacted his overall health.

Kakashi had been there, of course, during the early days. But what he had witnessed at the hospital whenever he’d gone to visit Guy there had looked to him like a healthy recovery process. Guy, being Guy, had been chipper almost from the moment he first regained consciousness.

It was easy to remember Guy sitting up in his hospital bed, a bright smile on his face, the curtains on the open window stirring dramatically in the breeze. Lee and Tenten had brought him flowers every day, splashes of color in the otherwise drab room.

When Guy’d talked – and he’d talked a lot, his tongue being one of the few parts of his body that wasn’t wrapped in bandages back then – he’d spoken only about the future, the training plans he’d developed to rebuild muscle, the things he wanted to do as soon as he got out of the hospital, the challenges he was going to issue – _You better prepare, Rival!_

The leg, that was bad enough, and up until Guy’s final day at the hospital Kakashi hadn’t quite believed that the damage really was permanent – because Guy hadn’t believed it, had in fact been vocal about how he was going to overcome this, how he was sure to find a way, somehow.  

The clinical descriptions in Guy’s file had driven home the reality of his situation, something Kakashi had never wanted to examine too closely.  

* * *

 

The rest of his workday was surprisingly uneventful. He interviewed two more couples, approved both of them and got a handful of mission reports from Anbu. One of those came from Tenzō, who was still out on a mission, but was scheduled to return within the next few days. Kakashi put his seal on them as well – just as confirmation that he had indeed read them before putting them into his out box.

Things were calm, even outside of Konoha.  One year after the end of the war, it seemed like peace might last them a little longer.

At six o’clock, Kakashi left the office.  Usually, he would stay longer, but today he was feeling restless and there wasn’t that much left to do, he thought, nothing that couldn’t wait anyway.

He wanted to go see Guy. Sure, part of that was just morbid curiosity mixed with the vain hope that Guy had reconsidered – the other part though, he just couldn’t deny it, was worry.

On the way to Guy’s apartment he stopped by the general store to pick up some small gift. It’d serve him well as an excuse, he thought. Not that he’d really need one – back in the day he’d dropped in on Guy fairly regularly, to raid his fridge, to ask him to spar, or sometimes just for company.  And on days when they were both in the village and he didn’t seek out Guy for one reason or another, Guy would inevitably find him. Over the years they’d spent a lot of time together.

Now that Kakashi was Hokage, though, his social life was all but over. Days like this when he could leave the office before sundown were rare. Guy for his part had been busy as well, between his prolonged hospital stay, the recovery process – regular hospital visits and physical therapy – training with his students and his search for a new career, he hadn’t found nearly as much time to pester Kakashi as he had back in the good old days.

Strange, how wistfully Kakashi thought about their friendship now. As though it was a thing of the past.

Sighing, Kakashi walked past the shelves stocked with various snacks and drinks. He was looking for alcohol, a bottle of expensive looking while not actually expensive liquor. Thankfully, Guy was easy to please when it came to such things.  Whatever Kakashi gave him, he was always deeply touched.

The general store didn’t have the biggest selection – it being a small corner shop run by an old lady and her husband – but for Kakashi that just meant it wouldn’t take much time to find something.  After less than three minutes Kakashi had picked out a dark bottle of plum wine. It was adorned with a large rectangular label on which its fancy brand name was embossed in shiny golden characters.

There was no line at register, in fact Kakashi was the only customer in the store. The old lady behind the counter smiled brightly when she saw him. “Hokage-sama!” she exclaimed, her wrinkled face scrunching up around her smile. “I didn’t even see you enter!”

“Good evening.” Kakashi nodded and handed her the bottle.   

“Ah, that’s a good choice! It’s wonderfully sweet this time of year.”

“Can you wrap it for me? It’s a gift.” Just as it crossed his mind, Kakashi voiced his peculiar thought. He’d never really bothered to get anything wrapped for Guy, not even on his birthday.

Exposing yellowed teeth, the store owner grinned and winked at him, while her fingers nimbly wrapped the bottle in the bright pink paper she’d produced from somewhere behind the counter. “For that special someone?”

Kakashi gazed at her in horror. He definitely wouldn’t have chosen this kind of gift wrap, but now it seemed too late to tell her. Within seconds she was done and added a red ribbon for good measure. “U-uhm.” Since there was nothing left for him to say, Kakashi accepted his purchase with a mere half-choked “Thank you” and turned to leave. However, at the exit something caught his eye, stopping him in his tracks.

A bulletin board had been put up next to the exit and there, between wedding announcements, job offers and adverts for new products was _Guy_. A big glossy photo of him in uniform sitting in his wheelchair, grinning into the camera and giving a thumbs up.

_Are you a youthful, honest, courageous person looking for that special someone to face life’s challenges together and start a family?! Look no further!!! For I, Konoha’s Noble Blue Beast of Prey, MIGHT GUY, am looking for YOU!!!_

Kakashi stopped reading. He was beginning to feel faint. _You can’t be serious,_ he thought. But of course Guy was serious, very serious. It was obvious for anyone who knew him. And even if you didn’t, all you really had to do was look at the glint in his eyes captured for all of eternity in one colorful picture.  Guy in front of his apartment building with his heart on his sleeve.

“Just adorable, isn’t it? Guy-kun is looking to build a family! He’s such a lovely person too.” The old lady had come out from behind her counter. A little stooped, hands locked behind her bent back, she walked closer, squinting at the poster.  “It’s a shame I only have three sons and not a single daughter! He would have been the perfect son in law!”

Kakashi left without bothering to tell her that one of her sons might be just what Guy was looking for.

Once he was sure he was far enough away from the shop, he tore off the pink gift wrap, balled it up and tossed it in the first trashcan he passed.

* * *

  
Kakashi’s brisk knock on Guy’s door was answered by silence. His friend wasn’t home, it seemed. For a moment he contemplated using his spare key to let himself into the apartment to wait inside, but then he wondered what he would do if it turned out that Guy had already found a certain someone. Kakashi’s stomach clenched at the thought of getting caught with Guy and a potential date – or whatever you might call it. No, he’d just call it a night and go home, that was the safest option.

He’d just turned around, still clutching his bottle of plum wine in one hand, when the door to the apartment building swung open with the force of a small explosion. In a flash of green, Lee was in and half up the stairs before he even noticed Kakashi’s presence.

As soon as he did, he stopped short on the spot like an arrow striking its mark. “Kakashi-sensei!—Hokage-sama!” He whipped around, smiling his usual sparkly smile. “Can I help you?”

“I was looking for Guy actually.” The strong smell of sweat coming off of Lee made Kakashi’s nose wrinkle under his mask. Clearly, he’d just been training – but then he always was.

“Oh!”  Lee’s eyes darted from Kakashi’s face down to the bottle in his hand. If possible, his smile widened and Kakashi had to suppress the urge to hide the thing behind his back. “We were training together all afternoon! Guy-sensei has developed a new plan and we’ve been using it to exercise with youthful vigor and—“

“Is he still at the training grounds then? Which one?”

“Ten, but Guy-sensei is probably a little further north, there is that hill…”

“I know the place, thanks!”

Outside Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief. Stopping Lee before he could launch into a long-winded, no doubt unnecessarily detailed and hyperbolic explanation of his training regime had been lucky. But it wasn’t just that; these days Lee made him slightly uncomfortable. Every time he saw him, it seemed like Lee was a little less boy and more man. His shoulders were getting broader, his chest was filling out. He’d grown taller, though he still hadn’t quite caught up to Guy in height, the difference was ever shrinking. Truth be told, he looked so much like Guy had in his teens that it hurt.

And, naturally, Lee radiated the very same unbridled vitality, that youthful hope and expectation and insurmountable spirit.

Every year Guy declared that he was at the zenith of his youthfulness. Lee, though, was the perfect reminder that he wasn’t, now more than ever.

* * *

 

Some people were easier to find than others.

Kakashi only had to cross training field one and there was a group of first year academy kids who agitatedly told him about a “strange uncle” in a wheelchair climbing the hill behind field ten. Or trying to.

“He’s all sweaty and dirty and dragging stuff behind him ‘an we wanted to help him, you know? But he was all…” One little blond girl scrunched up her face, narrowing her eyes, furrowing her brow and continued in a deep dramatic voice, “ʻThank you for your kind efforts, young ones! But this is my special training exercise! So run along now and remember, work hard every day to grow stronger than the you of yesterday!ʼ” As far as Guy impressions went Kakashi had to admit it was pretty spot on.

“Hmmm,” he said, scratching his nose in something like embarrassment. “Truth be told, I actually know this person.”

“Huh?! Really, Hokage-sama?!” chorused the kids. Their eyes were big as saucers now and they crowded around him in a way Kakashi would have found hard to bear just a couple of years ago. He’d never been any good with kids, but being the Hokage meant semi-regular visits to the academy and interacting with newly-formed Genin squads. Having no other choice, Kakashi had gotten used to Konoha’s “bright little flames of burning youth”, as Guy would have put it.

“Yeah,” he said. That strange wistful feeling was back. It pulled his gaze to the horizon where the red evening sun was slipping behind the trees. He’d been just as small as these kids in front of him now, back when he’d first met Guy. That was how long they’d known each other, their whole lives.

“He saved my life in the war. He's my best friend.” Kakashi blinked. He could say that now, he realized, for the first time, because Obito was gone, well and truly gone.

The children were staring at him, their expressions showing various degrees of surprise, curiosity and skepticism. “Really?” the little blond girl spoke up again. Her voice was dripping disbelief. “Your best friend in the whole world?”

Ah yes, Kakashi thought. This was the way academy kids viewed their friendships. It had been like this even back when he’d been in his first year. A strict hierarchy.

He smiled, closing his eyes against the last golden glare of fading sunlight. “Yes, Guy is my best friend in the whole world.” As childish as the sentence was, it felt surprisingly good to say it.


End file.
